You Are More Than What Happened to You
Sometimes, without realizing it, we begin to define ourselves by the hardest part of our story.
The marriage that ended.
The relationship that broke our heart.
The mistake we still wish we could undo.
The person who hurt us.
The season that changed everything.
After a while, what happened can become so much a part of how we see ourselves that we forget there was—and still is—more to our story.
Tragedy often becomes a dividing line.
There was life before it. Then something happened. Everything that followed became life after it.
When we tell the story, we may begin with the day everything changed. That moment feels like the beginning because so much of what we are carrying can be traced back to it.
But our story did not begin there.
Before Life Changed
Before the tragedy, you were already living a story.
You had relationships, hopes, fears, strengths, and dreams. Some things may have been going well. Other parts of life may already have been difficult or uncertain.
Who were you then?
How did you feel about yourself and your life?
Were you confident, or were you already struggling to believe in yourself? What did you enjoy? What made you laugh? What brought you peace? What were you looking forward to?
Remembering that person is not about pretending the painful chapter never happened. It gives you a fuller place from which to understand what changed.
During and After
Then came the experience itself.
Perhaps it happened suddenly. Perhaps it unfolded so gradually that you did not recognize how much had changed until you were already living inside it.
What did you feel as it was happening? What did you tell yourself you needed to do to get through it? Where did you look for God, and what questions did you carry when you could not understand what He was doing?
Now consider what life has been like since.
Are there fears you did not have before? Has your trust in other people changed? Do you see yourself differently? Has your faith been strengthened, unsettled, or both?
You may also recognize strength you did not know you had. Perhaps you learned to speak up, make a difficult decision, or keep going through a season you once thought would be more than you could bear.
Looking at the before, during, and after helps us see the whole story. It shows us what was present before the tragedy, what the experience changed, and what may still need our attention.
Remembering What Remains
You may not want to return to the person you were before. Some parts of that life may no longer fit. You have lived, learned, and changed since then.
But there may be parts of yourself you would like to make room for again.
Maybe it is your laughter.
Your confidence.
Your creativity.
Your curiosity.
Your courage, faith, or hope.
You do not have to force that part of yourself to return. You might simply notice it and offer a small invitation.
Turn on the music. Pick up the paintbrush. Call someone who makes you laugh. Spend a few quiet minutes with God, even if you are not sure what to say.
The difficult chapters are part of your story. They deserve to be acknowledged honestly.
They are not the only chapters you have lived.
Pause & Reflect
Set aside a few quiet minutes and think about your life before the experience that changed it.
Ask yourself:
Who was I before this happened?
What did I enjoy?
What mattered to me?
How did I see myself?
What was already difficult?
What hopes or dreams did I carry?
Then consider:
What changed during and after the experience?
Try not to judge what you notice. You are simply looking at the whole story so you can understand it more clearly.
Finally, ask:
Is there a part of myself I would like to make room for again?
Choose one small, realistic way to welcome that part of yourself into your life this week.
From the Founder’s Heart
There is a reason the first exercise in Picking Up the Broken Pieces does not begin with the tragedy.
If we start only with what happened, we may miss important parts of the story. We may forget who we were before it, what we were already carrying, and what changed afterward.
I want you to see the whole story—not so you can go backward, but so the tragedy does not get to speak for all of who you are.
You may decide that there are parts of your former life you want to reclaim. You may also discover that you are becoming someone new.
Take your time with those discoveries. God sees the person you were, the person who endured what happened, and the person you are still becoming.
—Patrice
A Gentle Invitation
Picking Up the Broken Pieces begins by guiding you through your story before, during, and after the tragedy.
The exercise gives you space to write honestly about what life was like, what you experienced, and what has changed since. That story becomes the foundation for identifying the individual pieces that may still need care.
If you are ready for a private, guided place to begin looking at the whole of your story, you can learn more here:
